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Some of my best friends are Attorneys, but…

gardenofeden

…what if they wrote the Bible?

Whereas Adam saw Eve inasmuch as she was without clothing, knowing that, heretofore, he himself had also walked, perambulated, skipped, and frolicked in the same aforementioned state, he was pleased to plead and petition that she would, henceforth, remain in the altogether.

And the Lord God spoke to the inhabitants of the Garden of Eden (hereinafter referred to as “The Garden”) and did recite section 7 of article 3 of the Notice of Easements and Restrictions:

  1. Tenants may, from time to time as needed and without prior notice, partake of all the fruit of the flora to be found within the confines of the Garden area proper as described and duly recorded in the Mesopotamian county office, Platte 272.
        1. Paragraph 1 shall apply in all cases except under the circumstances recorded in Subsection 23, paragraph A, points 1 and 2 titled “The Two Trees.”

Respondent Adam thereby did plead, “Huh?” He then turned his gaze upon Eve and began to drool.

At this opportune moment, a shyster* broke off from chasing an ambulance and slithered over to Eve. “May I present my card?” he hissed. “I am from the distinguished firm Slimey & Howe. We specialize in contract law: easements, conveyances, restrictions, boundaries, borders, and so forth. Our expertise, if I may, has less to do with enforcement and more to do with gaps and omissions; circumvention, if you catch my meaning.”

Co-respondent Eve did question, “Huh?”

“Loopholes,” replied Master Hiss, esquire.

Upon hearing his answer, Eve did take the card into her possession. Adam stepped over the pool at his feet and did announce publicly that he would take, carry, convey, protect and assume stewardship of the card seeing, as he stated, “that Eve didn’t–heh, heh–have a place to put the card anyway.”

He then resumed salivating and followed Eve as she began walking in a Southeasterly direction at a speed not less than 2 miles per hour nor more than 4 miles per hour…

*Any portrayals in this piece are purely fictional and do not represent any real attorney, living or dead–especially those I hope to remain friends with.
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